Sirjamesmberrie's Weblog

sometimes

sirjamesmberrie — Wed, 16 Apr 2008 23:55:07 +0000

And lastly.

but definitely not the least important.

Is my icky boy.

or was.

He use to be.

For four whole months.

And when i look back now.

I was truly happy during those 4 months.

And i loved him

& of course still love him

But he doesnt love me

Anymore

He got over me pretty fast

& moved on

New girlfriend

never knew that he even liked her

until it was too late

to tell him i still had feelings for him

after i broke up with him

but i even told him that i wanted to take a small break

but i definitely didnt want eveyrthing to end

but he doesnt care

his feelings over power mine i guess

i love him

and all these memories of us together

i dont think anyone in middle school has experienced

its been amazing

extraordinary

once in a lifetime

louisiana

a week and a half

with him

thats over 100 hours straight

with him

helping save the world

together

helping the katrina victums by day

lovers by night

all those nights we lay there watching the stars

all those nights we played tag.

All those nights at dinner

talking

all those days

learning all about him

yet so much more to learn

all those days spending every second with him

all these nights

dreaming of him non stop

all those nights

playing spoons and cards

and teaching me capitalism

and passenger van rides

and late nights

in the hotel rooms

watching the 40 year old virgen

and waking up at like 5:30 immediately thoughts of him from the night before

flooding into my brain

everything else long gone

and thinking of another day i would spend with him

laying against his stomach

hearing his heart beat inside of him

watching that movie

feeling horrible for all these people

the disaster that happened to them

the devastation

and then him rubbing my hand and comforting me

i miss those days

the days when i had no worries

when we ran cleaning that park

we ran seriously over 7 miles

and i got tired

and he was tired

but he carried me

on his back

piggy back rides

and i felt bad

but he insisted

so i did until he couldnt anymore

that day was great

that was the night when he told me he had feelings for me

i thought he might

but you never know

it could have just been me

so hearing it from me

made me feel ten times better

and getting our hair wet and shaking it all over him with danielle

and early mornings

going out in the foggy morning air

with danielle and sometimes aditi

it smells nice

to be in this strange place

and see him come out of the shower room

smelling oh so good

and his fresh new smile planted upon his face

hmm

the feelings he gave me

i cant even begin to explain

and all those feelings are the only reason keeping me from moving on

i wanna get over him

but at last moment i remember all the memories

and feelings he gives me

when my body is near him

i cant ever get it out of my head

i just wanna be his again

i wanna be the one he looks for

the one he walks to classes

the one he brushes his hand against

the one he hugs tightly and lovingly

the one he wants to talk on the phone with for hour or more

the one he loves

i wanna be the one he wants to go to the movies with

the one he thinks about at night and in the morning when he first wakes and even in between

because to me, thats him

i wanna be his again

i miss him so much

its unbearable sometimes

especially knowing that it will never happen again

i try and just think that, maybe it was better to have loved then never been in love at all

but its hard

i love him

& sometimes the memories arent just good enough

sometimes i wish he loved me still

yepp

sirjamesmberrie — Wed, 16 Apr 2008 23:40:47 +0000

& then there’s him.
but i know he has a girlfriend.
another lover.
he loves her.
but this guy is perfect.
i could never go out with him
hes a player sometimes.
well he just acts like it.
But he is so prettyyy.
& adorable.
even when he wears his glasses.
& when i know hes looking at me.
i get rushes of feelings of warm & gushy.
& i know for a fact its nothing big.
But i always hope he’ll talk to me.
& i never try to change for anyone.
But i try to impress him.
& make him laugh.
which sometimes i succeed. actually only when i dont try.
But he makes me smile so much.
That sometimes i have to loook down at my feet. so i dont seem like too attached.
& i feel warm in the face.
& i never blush this year.
But he makes me blush.
Im not sure why.
I just always feel so nervous around him.
Like im not good enough.
Because i know he’d rather talk to so many other people.
when all i want to do is sit down and get to know the real him.
& i just want to sit there & look up at his beautiful face.
& talk to him & get to know his amazing personality.
& i know i would fall in love with it. even if i didnt love him
I just sometimes wish he would care to know me as much i would care to know him>
Like i wish he would rather talk to me
Or like go out of his way everyday to talk to me
Like if he noticed me as a person in consideration of loving.
I just.
Dont have any hope left for him.
Even with a girlfriend.
Sometimes he doesnt show interest in me.
& he is too pretty.
& i know he is an amazing love poem writer.
He is too sweet
& romantic
& so selfless
But still confident
& Athletic
& down right hilarious with his pretty little smile & laugh
Just wow
I dunno.
the way he makes me feel.
It really turns me on.
He knocks me off of my feet.
Yepp.

sometimes

sirjamesmberrie — Wed, 16 Apr 2008 23:32:56 +0000

& sometimes i’m just like.
“well its only a crush. he’ll never look at me.”
& then i see him looking at me too.
& smiling.
& waving.
& he looks so pretty.
& i know when he saw me today. he started trying harder to impress me at tennis.
I know. that he has his own girls probably.
but i can’t just give up.
He’s that one tiny dream far out of reach that you just need to hope for.
Even if you never expect it to happen.
It just makes you feel better inside.
& he is so pretty.
& yeahh :]

whoa

sirjamesmberrie — Wed, 16 Apr 2008 23:29:53 +0000

whoa. i saw him today.
i looked at him.
& he just makes me smile so much.
i go crazy inside.
he’s the prettiest boy i’ve ever seen.
& i know he sees me looking at him.
because i know he’s been looking at me too.
& yes i don’t know him really.
but i feel like we have a connection between us.
a very small one.
but when i look into his eyes.
just whoa.
whoa.

romance

sirjamesmberrie — Tue, 15 Apr 2008 21:24:17 +0000

to love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance.

wisdom

sirjamesmberrie — Tue, 15 Apr 2008 21:23:08 +0000

knowledge speaks but wisdom listens

yourself

sirjamesmberrie — Tue, 15 Apr 2008 21:21:53 +0000

Life isn’t about finding yourself. it’s about creating yourself.

sirjamesmberrie — Tue, 15 Apr 2008 21:18:38 +0000

change. i don’t know if i can handle change the way i should. obviously he has moved on. what am i doing here waiting for something that will never happen. i know it would be hard to get over him. but maybe if i start now, the sooner i’ll be over him. why would he do this to me. he understands how hard it is to get over someone you love. why would he hurt me like this. doesn’t he realize he’s ruined me. when i fall. i will get back up. but sometimes i need to regain my strength before i can push myself back up. and sometimes even extra hands can’t help you up. you just gotta push yourself up alone. and i love him. but maybe it’s just not good enough. maybe my love isn’t enough for him. i just need to change.

habits

sirjamesmberrie — Tue, 15 Apr 2008 21:15:11 +0000

when you’re in a habit of seeing someone and being loved by someone for four months.
& then everything changes.
it takes a long time to adjust.
especially when you loved them back.

Fire

sirjamesmberrie — Tue, 18 Mar 2008 00:19:47 +0000

Love is like a friendship caught on fire. In the beginning a flame, very pretty, often hot and fierce, but still only light and flickering. As love grows older, our hearts mature and our love becomes as coals, deep-burning and unquenchable.

Frightened you’ll slip away.

sirjamesmberrie — Tue, 18 Mar 2008 00:18:07 +0000

Deep in my heart i’m concealing things that i’m longing to say. scared to confess what i’m feeling- frightened you’ll slip away.

Wipe away the pain

sirjamesmberrie — Tue, 18 Mar 2008 00:16:28 +0000

“May the love hidden deep inside your heart find the love waiting in your dreams. May the laughter that you find in your tomorrow wipe away the pain you find in your yesterdays.”

Care

sirjamesmberrie — Mon, 17 Mar 2008 21:36:46 +0000

It’s never too late to show someone you care.
Sometimes actions speak more than words do.

“Fear”

sirjamesmberrie — Mon, 17 Mar 2008 21:35:30 +0000

“Don’t let the fear of striking out, keep you from playing the game.”
You gotta try for everything you’ve always dreamed of.
Go for what you believe in.
Accomplish all your desires.
Live your life above fear.

Growing Up

sirjamesmberrie — Sun, 16 Mar 2008 18:26:57 +0000

“I think he is trying to grow up too fast. i imagine he thinks that grown-ups don’t hurt as deeply as children do when they lose someone.”
But this is not true. Many grown-ups seem to be looked upon often, so they have to be strong. They have to keep their deep emotions inside them, as to not be weak and to show others the positive sides. But in the end, when they have held it in longer than they should have, their emotions explode everywhere. They hurt and ache and cry for hours at a time. In the end, it will hurt adults more. Because it builds up inside of them and attacks all at once. Children, fear what they do not understand. And they do not understand why people have to die. No one does. But children gradually get over it. They still have lives ahead of them to live happily. They have something to look foward to. They still have love and dreams and hope and faith in the better of the world.

Believing

sirjamesmberrie — Sun, 16 Mar 2008 18:22:25 +0000

We can change things by simply believeing them to be different.

Just Believe.

“We dream on a budget.”

sirjamesmberrie — Sun, 16 Mar 2008 18:20:46 +0000

Yes, most of the time we need money to completely fulfill our dreams. But you can never stop yourself. You have to move on with your dreams. And that is why we work. We work to keep our dreams alive. And our dreams give us something to strive for in life. They give us will power to get through the bad stuff. So never tell someone that they dream on a budget. Never crush their dreams. It might just kill them.

“Bravery”

sirjamesmberrie — Sun, 16 Mar 2008 18:18:36 +0000

“Your father made many sacrifices and put away many dreams. he put them away in a drawer and sometimes late at night he takes them out and admires the. As time goes on, it gets harder and harder to close the drawer. But he always does. And that is why he is brave.”

“Night Lights”

sirjamesmberrie — Sun, 16 Mar 2008 18:15:00 +0000

Nothing can harm you when the night lights are lit. They are the eyes a mother leaves behind to guard her children. The light is like your mother’s love. Always surrounding you, very protective, keeping you safe every second.

“Never”

sirjamesmberrie — Sun, 16 Mar 2008 18:13:53 +0000

Never is an awefully long time. Too long. Don’t ever promise anyone “never.”

Never say goodbye.

sirjamesmberrie — Sun, 16 Mar 2008 00:59:58 +0000

“Never say goodbye. Because goodbye means going away. And going away means forgetting.” You must never say goodbye. You have to keep with someone in heart and spirit forever. You can’t leave them. You never know if their life depends on you. Forgetting is the worse thing you can do. So please, just never say goodbye to anyone.

Fear is only in our minds.

sirjamesmberrie — Sun, 16 Mar 2008 00:56:51 +0000

Everyone has fear. Everyone is scared. & Everyone has trouble getting over their fears. It’s tough. But it’s only in our minds. We make up our own fears. But we can control them. We can gain the courage to stand up to them. We can conquer our biggest fears if we just believe them to not be true. If we just believe in faith and hope for the better.

“Life is like a Novel.”

sirjamesmberrie — Sun, 16 Mar 2008 00:54:34 +0000

“Life is like a novel. You are the author and everyday is a new page.”
You write your own story. You make the decisions that control your life, each and everyday for all of your life. No one writes the pages except you.

the truth

sirjamesmberrie — Wed, 12 Mar 2008 22:47:51 +0000

“The truth about truth is that it hurts, so we lie.” but we must not lie. we must be honest and brave. we should stand up to our darkest fears. we should not back down. we can not let our fears take over our decisions. we need to tell the truth no matter how bad it hurts, because in the end the lies hurt more.

“My Sunshine.”

sirjamesmberrie — Wed, 12 Mar 2008 22:43:34 +0000

You are my sunshine, my only sunshine.

You make me happy, when skies are grey.

You’ll never know dear, how much i love you,

Oh please, don’t take my sunshine away.

“Distance makes the heart grow fonder.”

sirjamesmberrie — Wed, 12 Mar 2008 22:41:10 +0000

You don’t really know what you’ve got till its gone. When your away from someone you love, you feel an empty hole in your heart. you feel like apart of you is missing. and sometimes its good to be apart for a little while. to take a break. to show you how much you need them. it really helps you realize what’s important to you in this world. what you can live without and what you can’t live without.

love.

sirjamesmberrie — Tue, 11 Mar 2008 22:11:06 +0000

one chance. two hearts. three words.

Peace.

sirjamesmberrie — Tue, 11 Mar 2008 22:08:27 +0000

“when the power of love overcomes the love of power the world will know peace.”

What is love?

sirjamesmberrie — Tue, 11 Mar 2008 22:06:05 +0000

“a profoundly tender passionate affection for another person.”

Hate is Easy; Love Takes Courage.

sirjamesmberrie — Tue, 11 Mar 2008 22:05:23 +0000

you could easily hate someone. but loving, that takes real courage. giving your heart and soul to someone else, trusting them not to break you into pieces, that takes gut. they could easily tear your world apart. but you keep faith that god won’t let you be torn quite like that. its easy to forget about someone. hate them. but loving, its something more. love is hard. you must be brave. knowing at any second you could be hurt in the war of love. but you take a stand. and fight for what you believe in. love must triumph over hate. so we must love not hate with our pride, courage, and faith.

“Waves Crashing, Hearts Beating.”

sirjamesmberrie — Tue, 11 Mar 2008 22:02:13 +0000

Crash Crash. Beat Beat. Hear these sounds race through your head. What is this loud noise. Wait. I think. Maybe. It might be. Yes. It is love. The pounding of your heart trying to escape your body. The waves pounding upon the shore echoing across the bay. Your heart, in rhythm with the crashing of each wave.

“Stand Up Boy, I Shine So Bright When Your Around.”

sirjamesmberrie — Tue, 11 Mar 2008 21:59:25 +0000

with truth be told, when your in love, and your around the boy you love, you shine brighter than ever before. you smile like there is no tomorrow and you love with all your heart.

“life is like photography. we develop from the negatives.”

sirjamesmberrie — Tue, 11 Mar 2008 21:57:47 +0000

without negatives, we cant change ourselves. when we mess up, we learn from our mistakes. and move on. next time it happens, we are preppared to respond differently to the situation. if we dont change, then we live life in a hole. a hole that is deep and very hard to get yourself back out of.

“Keep your coins, i want change.”

sirjamesmberrie — Tue, 11 Mar 2008 21:55:09 +0000

i want change. the world we live in is messed up. but we can fix things. obviously things arent working out they way they are right now so we need change. we have to try things differently. and money only goes so far. we need change. so keep those coins.

You only live once.

sirjamesmberrie — Tue, 11 Mar 2008 21:53:39 +0000

dont live ordinarly. be different. stand out. get over your fears and dont be afraid to be whom you want to be and do things you want to do. live life freely and open mindly. be open to other people’s new ideas and thoughts. try new things. dont live life boringly. change things up. and dont be afraid of change. make your own descions. dont let other people decide for you. use your own judgement. dare to do something different.

Make love. Not war.

sirjamesmberrie — Tue, 11 Mar 2008 21:51:17 +0000

a statement everyone has heard of. yet not everyone acts upon. we dont need war. we can compromise. talk it out. say how we feel. but also listen to others. hear their opinions and what they have to say. we need not to fight over everything. we need to stop war. end it. people shouldnt sacrifice their lives for silly things. people in this world need to love and create peace. we need to end conflicts nonviolently. we should solve these conflicts without pain but from our hearts. be kind and gentle yet believe in what you say. and maybe this world would become a better place. if we just, make love not war.

Her inspiration was her own love story.

sirjamesmberrie — Tue, 11 Mar 2008 21:47:43 +0000

i think that is wonderous. it is inspiring. that her own love story could have sparked her imagination to write such a book. that is just.. amazing. i would die to have such a love story to be inspired by.

“I suppose it’s like the ticking crocodile, isn’t it? Time is chasing after all of us, isn’t that right?”

sirjamesmberrie — Tue, 11 Mar 2008 20:29:15 +0000

time is chasing after us all. and that is why we must live life to the best. we must learn, experience, and live. we must love, cherish, and trust. we must encourage, inspire, and create. we must believe. we must travel and follow our dreams no matter how crazy they are. time is a wonderous thing. but we can not let it get to us. you can not worry about the future. you need to just live the present. live life to the fullest. be happy. do everything that you’ve always wished to do. you must have courage and rise above all of your biggest fears. you must most importantly keep faith in god, that everything will always turn out alright. just live the life given to you and use it the best you can. you have to meet new people, see new things. you have to help people out wherever you go and wherever you are. you must help save the world one person at a time. and you must speak what is on your mind. you have to speak how you feel and your opinions and beliefs. and you must never ignore your feelings. you have to acknowledge them. and above everything else. you must show everyone you know that you care about them.

“You find a glimmer of happiness in this world, there’s always someone who wants to destroy it. “

sirjamesmberrie — Tue, 11 Mar 2008 20:15:23 +0000

Yes, there is someone out there who will become jealous of such happiness they have not yet recieved and shall try to make you miserable for that reason, but you must not let them. You must keep this happiness and never let anyone in the world destroy it.

“A Secret World.”

sirjamesmberrie — Tue, 11 Mar 2008 20:13:46 +0000

Where brilliant people disappear to some secret place where good ideas float around like leaves in autumn.

“I Guess Were Not As Old As We Thought We Were, Are We Now?”

sirjamesmberrie — Tue, 11 Mar 2008 20:10:48 +0000

We aren’t as old as we think we are. We have to work to act the age which we are, let alone be older.

“To Die Will Be An Awefully Big Adventure.”

sirjamesmberrie — Tue, 11 Mar 2008 20:05:29 +0000

A great adventure, at that. Living is its own adventure. If you have truely lived each day to the fullest then you shall have no problem accepting this fact. To die will be an awefully big adventure. You must accept it.

“The Secret to Make-up is to Look Like Your Not Wearing Any At All.”

sirjamesmberrie — Tue, 11 Mar 2008 20:04:08 +0000

For then people look and see a naturally beautiful person. And you have to be confident in yourself. Confidence is a key to beauty. But beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Don’t let one tell you you’re not beautiful. Because everyone is beautiful whether they think so or not. Beauty is an interpretation. We see beauty in our own ways. Some things and people we may not think are pretty, but that is our interpretation. Everyone sees it differently. But we can not let others bring us down with mere words. Beauty is what we see in our own eyes. Our eyes decide for us. But we must no let others words influence our opinions. We shall judge what we believe to be beauty, for ourselves. We can decide what we think is truely beautiful.

“The Boy Castaways: Being a record of the terrible adventures of the brothers Davies, faithfully set forth by Peter Llewelyn Davies.”

sirjamesmberrie — Tue, 11 Mar 2008 19:48:51 +0000

all great writers begin with a good leather binding and a respectable title. but what would you write of? a tale of a little girl and her first love? a sunflower and his best friend, the orange monarch butterfly? and how would you write? descriptive? romantic? explanatory? and where would you write? on a bench in the summer on a bright sunny day in the park? a top a branch of an oak tree in the late august days? everything would affect how you write and what you write of. you have to be in the perfect place at the right time, with the right set of mind. you have to just imagine what you see. and just write what you create. you have to let your surroundings inspire you. You have to absorb the feel of the area. And write how you feel. And describe exactly how you picture it, very vividly with a wide set of vocabulary.

“Who Amongst You is Ready to Tie Your Hopes and Dreams to the Sea?”

sirjamesmberrie — Tue, 11 Mar 2008 19:37:55 +0000

how could one tie themselves to the sea forever? forever is such a long time. my hopes and dreams would prevail above those tied to the sea and then i would become depressed forever more. It would be such a waste, but i guess those who love the sea more than life, would tie everything to be with it forever. i guess to such a person, it would not be a waste of their life, but a good use of it. i know that i shall tie my hopes and dreams to passion.

“Magnificent. The Boy is Gone. In the Last 30 Seconds… He Became a Grown-Up. “

sirjamesmberrie — Tue, 11 Mar 2008 19:23:53 +0000

Wonderous. How in only a couple seconds, one can make himself a grown-up. One can learn to become mature and care for others. One can respect another’s wishes and listen attentively. And one can be both a grown-up and a child, if they understand when to be mature and when to be silly. If you keep the balance going, you shall be happy forever more. One can act silly and have fun and then when needed, they could become mature and do what they need to do. In life, if you have both, you shall be truely and deeply happy.

“a bit of sillyness.”

sirjamesmberrie — Tue, 11 Mar 2008 19:20:00 +0000

i shall hope so. sillyness is what creates excitement. it’s what makes us different and unique. our sillyness is what makes rough times, bearable, and easy times just the more fun. sillyness gives us happiness never thought of before. when we are silly, we seem to create better memories that we laugh on years from now.

“When the First Baby Laughed For the First Time, the Laugh Broke Into A Thousand Pieces, and They All Went Skipping About. And That Was the Beginning of Fairies. “

sirjamesmberrie — Tue, 11 Mar 2008 19:11:20 +0000

Everytime a baby is born, it’s first laugh creates a new fairy. There should be a fairy for every little boy and girl. But soon, children stopped believing in fairies. And everytime a child said, “I don’t believe in fairies.” Somewhere a fairy drops down dead. To keep a fairy from dying, you have to say quick that you believe. If you believe in fairies, you must clap your hands. If you believe in fairies, you shall have a little one guarding you for all your childhood. It shall be yours forever. All you have to do is believe.

“She’s on Every Page of Your Imagination.”

sirjamesmberrie — Tue, 11 Mar 2008 19:06:20 +0000

You just have imagine. She shall always be there. In your little secret world of thoughts and memories. She shall fly around there, looking down upon you, making sure your alright. You just have to write, and there she shall be. All you have to do is imagine, just imagine. And there she shall be. With you. Forever.

“Just Believe.”

sirjamesmberrie — Tue, 11 Mar 2008 19:03:42 +0000

Two simple words. Yet it seems like it is so hard for others. All you have to do is believe and than all your wildest dreams shall come true. If you believe, you can create new worlds and ideas. You can imagine things never imagined before. You just have to believe, and than everything in the world seems a bit more exciting. You shall find more adventures knocking upon your door, asking to play with you.

“Young Children Should Never Be Sent To Bed. They Always Wake Up A Day Older.”

sirjamesmberrie — Tue, 11 Mar 2008 19:01:31 +0000

Children shouldn’t have to go to bed. They should be able to stay young forever. In this world, your childhood should be your most happy and favorable memories. Children should have adventures and play with their friends. They should stay up late and imagine, inspire, and create. They should play make-believe anytime they can, and create worlds never imagined before.

“How Can One Dispose of Themselves Without Affection?”

sirjamesmberrie — Tue, 11 Mar 2008 18:48:08 +0000

Affection is what keeps our hearts beating. Its what gives us energy to go through the days ahead. Its what gives us hope and faith. It gives us love and courage to face our fears. We can not dispose of ourselves without affection. How would we live our lives from day to day with no passion. How could we live without love?

“Sometimes Affection is a Shy Flower That Takes Time to Blossom.”

sirjamesmberrie — Tue, 11 Mar 2008 18:40:54 +0000

Sometimes affection is shy. But you can’t force the flower to bloom. You’ll end up destroying the flower. You can’t depend on it to blossom overtime. You need a little affection for it too bloom from.

“You Need Not the Man Who Offers the Best Price, but the Man Whom You Desire Most.”

sirjamesmberrie — Tue, 11 Mar 2008 18:40:40 +0000

Someone who you desire with your whole heart, is one whom you should keep. One whom you love. If you married a man who offered you all the wealth in the world, even if you got everything you had always wanted, you would never be truely happy. We need love in this world to survive. Without passion, affection, and adoration, what shall we do with our lives?

Hello Sunshine.

sirjamesmberrie — Tue, 11 Mar 2008 18:04:05 +0000

Today is a new adventure. Wake up sunshine and live your life.